“I’ve never been with a black girl before”
Ella Knott X Bold Voices
@ella_knott
Race and Rape Culture: A Three Part Series
Every black person will be able to identify a time in which they were objectified in a sexual manner as a result of racial stereotypes. The use of race in the objectification of human bodies adds another layer of intrusion and oppression to sexual harassment. Often disguised as a compliment, people are generally ignorant to the "unintended" consequences of these comments. Nevertheless, they can have serious effects on the self-esteem and self-worth of black men and women, as well as perpetuating racial inequalities and reinforcing colonial ideals. The third part of my three-part blog series explores the experience of racial objectification through my own experience.
Part Three
“I’ve never been with a black girl before.”
I’m going to keep this one short and sweet… ish. A guy tells a girl at a bar, “I’ve never been with a black girl before”. Is the girl’s correct response…
a) “Oh wow, let’s change that.”
b) “Until now…”
c) “Please let me be your first!”
or
d) “Well, continue saying that and you never will” (whilst thinking, “f*ck off right now”)
If the correct answer doesn’t scream out to you then in all honesty, you may be a bit of a lost cause. Please though, someone explain to me why this “pick-up” line is seen to be effective in any way. The depth of this comment and the damaging impact it has on black women is often overlooked but really is worth considering. So, listen in.
Swap the word black with Chinese, Indian or anyone else generally described as an “other”, I have heard them all and, worryingly a lot from guys who I am close to. This is what’s referred to as the “Minority Checklist”. A lot of people, men and women alike (but… mostly men), seem to set out on a quest to get with those who do not look like them so they can report back to their friends or note down in their journal how this “other” performed in comparison to their “usual type”. Firstly, disgusting. Secondly, the dehumanising process that reduces an individual down to their performance in bed is evidently wrong. People should not be seen as sexual objects who exist solely for the pleasure of others. Thirdly, the implication of difference and therefore the need to explore said difference may leave you disappointed with your results. Here is why…
Black women’s representation in the media. You have heard it before, and you will hear it again. Black women are massively underrepresented in many, many areas, whilst being overrepresented in specific stereotypical roles by the media. Black women often play very sexual, half dressed characters with big boobs, big asses and sexy voices – well, it is that or southern, apron wearing housemaid or white girl’s sassy sidekick. So, we take this limited representation from our screens, add a heaped tablespoon of ignorance to a sexually frustrated male and we get this scenario: white men see these oversexualised characters on their screens, make the ridiculous and racist assumption that ALL black women must be exactly like that, seek out a black women, and then essentially tell them about their weird fantasy hoping they will reply “oh my, what a honour it would be if I was the first black women you slept with” and the rest is history. HAHA, no no no no no. I hate to speak on behalf of all my other black women who have heard this nonsense but, I am 97.9% certain (source: me) that, that is not how that scene plays out 100% of the time. Sexualising, objectifying and stereotyping a black woman all at once, I’d say is a rather ineffective wooing technique. Wouldn’t you agree?
All jokes aside, this sexualisation has a deeply emotional and scarring historical context. Black women being represented as hypersexual beings during slavery is just one example of this. As you may have seen in 12 Years A Slave, slaves were stripped bare to be inspected by their prospective owners or to be whipped publicly. Stripping slaves (by force) of not just their clothes, but their dignity, reinforced stereotypes in the minds of white people of their sexual impurity and promiscuousness. This stereotype was perpetuated by the stark contrast between white women and black women at the time simply in terms of their clothing. bell hooks explores this dynamic in far more detail in her book “Ain’t I a Woman”. On top of all this, as Reni Eddo-Lodge puts it “black women’s reproductive systems were industrialised”, therefore they were often pregnant. This was then used against black women AGAIN, as proof of their inability to refrain from sex.
This analysis may seem extreme to some; this was the point of my blog series. These three comments were all said in safe settings where we did not feel threatened and where we were not harmed, but people need to understand the weight of their words and they need to be held accountable. “I obviously didn’t mean it like that” - I have heard that time and time again and would like to say for the very last time that, I KNOW YOU DIDN’T but I do not care anymore. It does not take much reading black literature, watching black film or television, or speaking to black people to rid oneself of one’s ignorance.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk.
PSA: please remember to check out the Black Lives Matter resources on the @hearthisboldvoice Instagram story highlights. Let’s not become complacent, the fight is far from over and there is always more we can do. We need to keep educating ourselves and having difficult conversations. In fact, use this piece to start one of these conversations - share this with one other person and see what they think!